Dungeon masters! Does your adventuring celebration have a person who checks for secret doors in every single bleeping area they enter? Have we got the wandering monster for you! Sic the goose from Untitled Goose Game on ’em! Courtesy of a Dungeons & Dragons subreddit, here’s an NPC character sheet for “The Nameless Goose.”
The Nameless Goose is “a fiend that terrorized an complete village single-handedly. … These who say they have witnessed the creature themselves claimed that it had practically nothing but hatred in its eyes.” The Nameless Goose bullies the town into a frightened silence.
Redditor Otaku-sama conceived The Nameless Goose as, naturally, “the topic of a wild goose chase,” and gave it some formidably exasperating stats and attributes. My favourite is the Honk attack, which forces a saving throw against Wisdom for all creatures inside 120 feet.
Goose is also Evasive, which means that a Dexterity saving throw to take half harm now indicates the goose can take half harm at most, and no harm if it tends to make the roll. Goose is immune to psychic harm and speaks Infernal and Abyssal.
The Nameless Goose comes to you from Unearthed Arcana, a subreddit for homebrews of Dungeons & Dragons’ fifth edition. There is a mild controversy there more than the goose’s chaotic neutral alignment, with Otaku-sama arguing that it is “simply an agent of chaos rather than a malevolent force.”
If a save-the-village encounter is not to your party’s liking, Otaku-sama says The Nameless Goose also performs as “an extremely annoying help NPC for a harm dealing pal.” What’s the opposite of help? The goose performs even far better as that!